Sweet Surrender

Yin-Yoga | surrender

You surrender to a lot of things which are not worthy of you. I wish you would surrender to your radiance… your integrity… your beautiful human grace. ~ Yogi Bhajan

I used to not understand how to practice by myself at home, or anywhere for that matter. I started with DVDs and end up falling on my face for the most part, and ridiculously laughing at my klutziness.

I veered towards yoga classes, with an instructor offering repetitive cues to get into a pose, go deeper, and safely get out of the pose. But without such guidance, I’m all crooked by myself. Cues seem to be a haze and only an image memory of my instructors serve to bring slight justice to my own contortions.

Then I started falling in love with yoga. I believe it may have been love at first sight… yet my own insecurities shied me away until my own sense of passion nudged me incessantly… and I wanted more. So began the calling, and I trained. And trained. And trained. All yoga teacher-trainees can attest that it is gruelling, an intensity so demanding that you’re only option is to… surrender.

And surrender I did, yet not quite easily. Personal issues seem to test the very intention you hold within.

But at the end of the month-long training, it simply magnified that same intention because of what you are able to go through – training, and life itself. And you smile your most sweetest and wicked smile. Hello, yoga world… I’m ready for ya!

I still didn’t get it (self-practice). Perhaps I have been too focussed on how to teach and what to teach that I couldn’t find my own self, practicing by myself. I can not even meditate for 2 minutes! Through the months, I developed a technical attitude towards yoga: watch numerous yoga teachers, memorize their sequences, try their meditative techniques, idolize their styles. And through these months, I kept losing and losing myself. Truth be told, the smile weakened and faded. How ya doin’, yoga world?

Nothing worthy can ever be served straightforward. It can stare us right at our faces; but because we have developed numerous eye patches in our lives, we don’t always see. Our ears are plugged and we failed to listen. We unconsciously parade in a Mardi Gras that we don’t even feel our own skin.

Until the Universe tilts and a shift takes place. Until it begins to manifest outwardly. Physical tightness and tension seem to be your buddies lately. Whatever we hold back emotionally, spiritually, and mentally?? They are stored in our bodies. Where else can they go when not addressed?

My own physical injuries led me to this road. I have to feel the pain for me to actually get to know my body, to finally realize my head is attached to something, and it is all of me harmonizing together in my own rhythm. It was another calling, a calling you can not deny but heed. It is an internal scream dying to be noticed… before it completely weakens and fades. Nearing the twilight of my one year after teacher-training, I have finally understood.

I began practicing by myself to what my body wants and needs. I began to see my body to what it can do, listen to my own ooohs and grunts, and feel the very muscles tight as a boxer’s fist, release in euphoric grace.
I began engaging myself with my own self.
I began teaching my self-practice to the class, sharing what I have filled myself with, adding some of their requests, spicing it up with a little of my own creative madness…

And I have fallen in love deeply with my self-practice. I have gloriously been loving my meditation. With a smile even!!

surrender | shakira williams

Yoga practice is never about what others can do. It is never about how long it takes to do crow pose. It is never about building a work-out sequence.
Yoga practice is about what you put into it. What are you investing in this moment you allow for yourself?
Your mind?
Your body?
Your heart?

My yoga practice, metaphorically, my love and my life?
It is all about my sweet surrender to myself.
Namaste. =)

Spin-off: 5 Reasons Why I Love My Self-Practice by Light.Love.Laughter.Yoga

16 thoughts on “Sweet Surrender

        1. You’re afraid… lol!

          I often quote this: Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain. ~ Robert Gary Lee
          The only way to let go of hurts, is to start feeling them. =)

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  1. I love this post Maia, it has such an honest feel to it. Teacher training is gruelling for sure, one of the hardest things I’ve done really. To surrender to it, though, even tougher! It’s funny, I wrote about surrender on New Year’s Day as it’s my goal for this year- just surrender to what is whether it’s the tightness in my body or the task I’m trying to accomplish. Just surrender

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    1. Oh my… I am deeply honoured, Reena. You know I adore what you share here; you are one of my guides! =)

      For a long time too, and probably for a lot, we misconstrued ‘surrender’ as giving up. Whether we’ve seen it with white flags waving, or a felon getting caught… not realizing that it is not about giving up… but it is about giving in. This is one of my epiphanies. And I’m grateful my intuition is strong enough to whack my head for it to manifest. xo

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    1. and it is so timely – the universe is sending me gentle nudges about my yoga practice. time to dedicate myself a little more, that is, surrender to this path that is mine, that i let myself veer off from quite a bit these past few months. which is ok. but it is time to resume, and i know it. xo.

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      1. Funny how I have just posted this and recent events took me into a dark place and where instead of surrendering to the challenges, I cowered and hid from the darkness, dimming my own light. Carl Jung said – what you resist, persists. And wow, did it ever squeeze itself to the very core of what I hold dear… … such is life. A continuous and endless road of learning, to mean what we say, that it is not enough we write or say stuff. We act on it.

        I told Reena (Yoga with Maheshwari) on her post about surrendering – it took an earthquake for me to realize that it is not about giving up. To surrender is to give in – give more of yourself to it… because in truth, we are so much more of what we ‘think’ we are, that whatever it is we seem to be struggling with, fighting with… it is so menial compared to our own magnificence.

        I’m babbling… haha… I took a step out of my corner earlier… and it feels friggin’ magnificent!! xo

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        1. yesss…surrender is being enveloped into the bigger part of us, the real ‘us’, the Who We Really Are part of us. for me surrender is more like melting or merging into my essence, whereas it used to feel like giving into something external, which felt like ‘giving up’.

          and you’re not babbling, i love your process. thank you for sharing it so openly with everyone! have a wonderful day.xo.

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