“The whole mad swirl of everything that was to come began then; it would mix up all my friends and all I had left of my family in a big dust cloud over the (American) Night… They rushed down the street together, digging everything in the early way they had, which later became so much sadder and perceptive and blank. But then they danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I’ve been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!“~ On the Road, Jack Kerouac
A transition in my blog.
Its name. Let’s begin with that.
It is time.
It is part of the past I can not quite unleash. Why I held onto it for so long?? Even wrapping the moments of ‘the now’ with it, wishing to tie them all in one awesome gift… one awesome me.
Who am I kidding?
It has ceased serving myself a long time ago. I look back as it lay in ruins. There is nothing in it for me anymore. Only to pocket the lessons learned, the wisdom from healing.
“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
But I remain blind and deaf.
And now, quite fiercely tearing.
Even with the drama of listening to the music that came along with the old blog name. On repeat. I am so going to laugh at myself remembering this moment in a few months time. Okay, I am laughing now…
But because I am an over-exaggerated yogi, I am close to hyper-ventilating. That tightness in the chest where you want to grab for an oxygen mask… or a paper bag will do…
All of us have our own reasons for being here. I created my blog long before I even started to post much of anything. Dipping my toes here and there… finding a meaning, listening for an intention. To say I was lost is clearly an understatement.
But through the course of time, allowing myself to slowly heal, building the courage… and more importantly, to trust the process – – – why am I even in this site? We need not even ask; the road is open. Things reveal when it is time, when we are ready. This blog has brought magical changes in my life from the depths of the rabbit hole, from the debris of the ruins. So why the fluckin’ crap am I having a difficult time? Why do I hold on to the bitterness? Why do I think I need to keep the pain and worse, identify myself with it? Don’t I want more magic??
And I do. I so friggin’ do.
This is a segment on the road less travelled. The same pinching segment where I can allow myself to create more magic.
There is a vision. I close my eyes and feel that wonderful vision in my heart.
So I am taking the first step hereon.
How many first steps have I taken lately??
They have been amazing, scary first steps. My heart has been thumping to full capacity. This is true magic at its purest! Don’t hold back now, I hear a whisper…
“When the voice and the vision on the inside become more profound and more clear and loud than the opinions on the outside, you have mastered your life.” ~ John Demartini
Taking a deep breath, exhale and release…
Then let go.
Just let go… I hear my heart whisper.
And a tear drops from within.
“What doesn’t challenge you, doesn’t change you.” ~ Fred DeVito
Such is the beauty of change. Such is the madness of transformation.
Life is a beautiful mad struggle.
Such is the magic of life.
Make it happen.
Happy new ridiculous beginnings,