Seeds

hemp-heart-seeds-hands

I want to talk about love.

Over some years ago, I wrote a lot on various journals about how I get emotionally attached to everything… I cling. Big time. To my son, to my friends, to my dog, to books, to movies, to clothes, to events… and while it may seem like this sweet thing to possess as a character… just like all sweet things, too much sweets, and you end up with a tooth decay.

This yogini decayed.

Up until a few months ago, I cannot, for the yogilife in me, understand why I need to step back from clinging. And as each day comes, in words and gestures and signs I’ve been too oblivious, unaware, unmindful to see for what seemed like ages, that I may as well be in a state of coma… manifestations and realizations are now piling on me – neither feeling heavy or easy; but quite lifting.

I had been someone lacking of love – its meaning, its significance, its purpose. To me then, I love because you need to love me back. I laugh now at the mere thought of that. I am appalled at myself for being incapable to grasp unconditional love. How can a yogi lacking of love be able to truly love, to even practice yoga… when in the beginning I am incomplete to give any? All I could do is to take love, to fill myself with the lack. Like collecting seeds in a jar. I collected and I collected and I collected. And I drained the other person. And the other person. And the other person. I blame any other person for not meeting my needs, my sustenance. There existed no space between us, only you and me. It sounded so romantic! So precious! So engaging! So cuddly perfect!

What do you think happens every single time?
Without the space, the seeds did not grow. We, the other person, my relationships, simply ceased growing.

As it turns out, with any relationship that exists this way – lover, friends, children, work, health, beliefs or faith – it began to fall apart, to decay. The seeds began to wither. Whilst kept in a jar.

love is all i seed

I am now planting new seeds. I shelved away the jar. I’ll be patient with the planting. Or at least, I am really trying to – with the aches and soreness that go along with it, with being soiled and messy that comes with it. But even when planting seeds do not come effortlessly and flawlessly, there is a certain sense of calm that stays with you. Regardless of the missteps. Regardless of falling on your face on the ground. Regardless of the annoying splinter on your finger. Regardless of creepy crawling creatures in the soil. Perhaps views have changed. Perhaps it is the intention now that makes the big difference. Perhaps the heart is tilled and cultivated.

Each seed planted fills my heart within. It cannot come from anywhere else but from me. And when they grow and transform, I shall be in full bloom… then I’ll send you flowers.

I am not much of a green thumb, but perhaps you are. Perhaps you’re not. Perhaps we’ll learn together… venture… experiment… evolve and transform the seeds… into a something… something wonderfully amazing… so new seeds keep spreading, creating this beautiful garden within us…

I’ll be here, extending my hand, digging my sparkly toes in, as you plant your own seeds.
Namaste.

13 thoughts on “Seeds

    1. Thank you, Mikial! You have been loyal… hahaha! 😉

      I enjoyed your posts, and more so your poetry! I truly appreciate the support and I wish you and your family the same support the years ahead. Namaste. =)

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  1. Unconditional love is not something we do. It is a force we become. That’s why it can be difficult to grasp. As you indicate, the force of unconditional love begins with the individual and becomes the aggregate force of the Human Species. Our responsibility, as a species, is to establish the force of unconditional love within Creation. Peace is the only possible outcome.

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    1. So true!! For most, we think unconditional love is a state of emotion, a feeling. It’s where I got it all wrong… not realizing head on that it is “being unconditional love” what we need to learn, and plant in us… so we actually BeCoMe unconditional love. It is a force, that binding energy we always have, that somehow got swayed away when we were growing up…
      It is so sweet to reunite with it once again. =)

      Thank you, Rob, for your powerful words. I couldn’t agree more. Happy new beginnings!

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  2. When I think of unconditional love I think of my son. I love him NO MATTER WHAT; faws and all. I understand in order to learn and grow he has to make his own mistakes. At 15 now there is a delicate balance between indepence and still needing our nurturing and guidance. I would have loved to have kept him forever at 4 yrs old cuddly and clingy but that’s the selfishness in me. I want him to experience ALL that life has to offer so he is doing that some of it with us, some without, and one day it’ll be on his own. If we love someone, should it not be unconditional…..

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    1. Yes, Bonnie!! As an act, we love unconditionally. And that is where we struggle, where that ‘selfishness’ creeps in… it is why I can not grasp it before… because it is not a mere act alone. It is being unconditional love itself. We are unconditional love. And when we fully realize and understand this, the act becomes spontaneous for us, and from us. The ego may nudge us, but we can magically and courageously come back to ourselves because we already are unconditional love in its highest and maddest and most beautiful form!

      Does that make sense?
      Happy new beginnings, Bonnie. I hope to see you soon in class… xo

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