This is intended for somewhere else. A place I’ve called my second home. A place where I’ve known friends for some time. A place I run to when distraught. A place of comfort. Until came a certain point in life where the Universe shifted. Perhaps realigning myself again to what I needed to do, to where I am meant to go. So I left. Simple as that. My version of letting go.
I miss that place. I miss the second home that was merely a false interpretation of what a home is. I miss my friends who were neither here or there. I miss running for comforting words. And I am always torn. Torn between the place of illusion and the reality of truth.
And since I can not make myself go back and say these words at the place, I choose to write it here in my blog. Until comes a certain point that I can.
It has been what, six months? And I sit here pounding my fingers to what needs to be expressed. And then pausing, to what needs to be contained. There is no rhyme or reason to whatever has happened. The time being away brought clarity and chaos to an otherwise fidgety brain. Tempted at times; and only whacking my head for not enduring.
“Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured.” ~ B.K.S. Iyengar
Oh… there she goes again with her yoga wisdom. You know what?! I don’t friggin’ give a hoot to what your pathetic mind thinks. In truth, you long to have such words spoken to you over and over again. In truth, you need a good whack as well so your damn ears would finally listen. In truth, the very thing you THiNK you hate, is the very thing you need MoST.
Try and swallow that concept!
And in truth, we selfishly allow our heads do the decisions for us. “I think I should do this. I think I should do that.” Really?? Use those listening skills you overtly express that you have in this place and listen to your heart instead. This place is so friggin proud to keep reiterating that there are ears who listen. To about anyone! How can you say you can listen to the woes of other people yet you can not even acknowledge the woes your own heart screams? How can you possibly help others when you can not even help yourself? And even when you do, then what? Admit that you can only limit yourself to what you can offer, to what you can give. Because guess what?? You have a lack of it to begin with.
Note: There is nothing to click here.
So you cower away. You hide. You selfishly sink into the pit of stress and aggravation because now you feel like a prune. Drained out. Then you analyze. And use that over-active imagination <which can be a great thing when used positively!>, or perhaps a better phrase is over-exerted thinking. Where does this lead you next? You actually bring pain to things that doesn’t exist, has never happened, and probably will not happen. Yet the Law of Attraction comes into play.
Oh… now she’s into metaphysics. Shush and sit and read. This doesn’t cost you other than time, and perhaps may reward you to betterment.
When you consciously and unconsciously think of things, as such, the pain that isn’t there, it becomes real. It will slowly creep up to you because you yourself are manifesting it to happen. By merely thinking! Write it down in this place <or wherever> and you’re a step ahead of attracting it. Saying it to yourself over and over again, and you end up with the shadow of pain hovering around you like the Grim Reaper.
This is Lesson #15 in Learning to Make Your Own Happiness.
You have the choice. Now. Keep reliving and retelling your same, sad, heart-wrenching story… or rewrite a whole new page and begin a new chapter. A new life! Doesn’t it suck the spirit out of you when you keep retelling your sad story? Doesn’t that make you tired and weak? It doesn’t mean that you literally leave everything behind that pulls you down… but then again, why keep carrying the friggin baggage? Because it’s not that simple?? <hahahahahahaha> Pardon me for laughing… but whose life isn’t difficult? “Buddha states in his first noble truth, ‘Life is suffering’.”¹
Oh… it’s Buddhism now, you’re thinking. *whack* Such words will not persevere in many lifetimes if they don’t hold credence, if they lack integrity, if they do not bear truth. So live with the truth. Live with the suffering.
But Buddha did not mean it that way. It’s not as literal or harsh as those three words: Life is Suffering. It only means that when we find ourselves in a place of comfort, be open that it will change. The Universe is subject to impermanence. Happiness then sadness. Ecstasy then grief. Excitement then fear. And all other stuff. It is when you find yourself in a place of discomfort that you need to realize that the Universe is actually working in your favour. It means the Universe hasn’t forgotten you. It means the Universe is giving you the opportunity, the chance to change as well. It means the Universe wants you to take the lessons you NeeD to learn and become better. That place of discomfort is there for a reason. Seek the reasons with your heart. Allow your heart to be vulnerable. Give your heart the chance to accept the truth. It will hurt, I assure you. Grip the very veins that may make your breathing turn into gasping. Fear will blind and bind your soul. But don’t falter. Now is NoT the time to go back behind your wall. The origin of suffering is attachment, second noble truth. Your wall is your freakin attachment. Find the courage to see the truth. Climb over the wall. Better yet, tear down the damn wall. The cessation of suffering is attainable, third noble truth. So what when you are vulnerable? Think of the possibilities that can happen. Because you might get hurt again?? Well that brings us back to the first noble truth, doesn’t it? So buff up, breathe, and open your heart! And maybe, just maybe… you’ll finally get a glimpse of your TRue SeLF. The path to the cessation of suffering, fourth noble truth. It will not really end here though. The path is a state of progression. In Buddhism, there is reincarnation. But I will not dwell on that. We are not placed in this world to remain static. That’s what the fourth noble truth means to me.
The baggage may remain. You can’t simply throw it away or leave it behind. When you find yourself uncomfortably carrying the baggage, then it is time to do something to change HoW you carry the baggage. Get a cart. Lengthen the straps. Add wheels. Even have someone carry it for you at times. Or simply lay it down. Better yet, empty the baggage. I’m talking metaphorically here. I don’t know your baggage. But when you open your eyes to what I’m trying to say, it may ignite a spark within, recharged, and rev you up for a new chapter in your storybook!
“If you don’t like where you are on the mat…change” ~ Stevee (aka Mamalah), a wise yoga teacher². . Oh… she’s back talking about yoga. You bet your sweet a$$ I am! I love playing with words. So change the words “on the mat” into “in your life”²… and you’ll realize why I love talking about yoga! Change the words “on the mat” into “in this place“… and you’ll probably realize why I haven’t been in this place.
My role in this post is not to be this wannabe-wise yogini and bullshits you around. I am not wise; yet I have a bucket full of wise words that spills from time to time. You can either take it or leave it. Though I strongly suggest you take it. They say nothing good is free. And that’s true. This isn’t nothing. It’s almost everything!
I have been on this path for some time already and the path has grown lush and green. It is not always the perfect path. Often the path is foggy, even torrential rains in some parts. Life isn’t always perfect anyway. But the fog and rain make the path lush and green! And the sun always shines out. We cannot keep just going and going, or just doing and doing¹ behind the wall. We need to Be¹ there as well. It’s BeiNG with LiFe that matters, perfect or not. Right NoW. Why let LiFe pass you by on the other side of the wall? Why let yourself miss out on the lushness and greenness and LiGHT of YouR path?
Love not because I lack but because I am complete ~ a mantra I began through a healing process. I am complete with MY love for yoga. It is what I am overflowing with right NoW. My bucket, I can wholeheartedly share… without having myself dry out like a prune. That’s my truth. What’s yours? Can you handle your truth?