In Stillness

I was on Christmas break from work. Eleven days of not seeing the building. I took the time to heal myself from it. And to try and heal anything else. Even from ‘here‘. *looks at band aids*

What did I do?

I did yoga.
Every friggin’ day.
Two to three times a day.

Since I began teaching, I had the studio keys. But being the holidays, there were days when it was closed. I still went. And practiced. Even those days when there were classes, I go back. And practiced.

And practiced.
And practiced.
By myself.

I come in and lay my mat down… play my iPod… and practice. My playlist runs for 2.1 hours and I would flow. Beginning with some stretches, and eventually do sun salutations for who knows how many… I only keep going… and going… until the playlist ends.

Then I switch my playlist to the meditative one, 1.3 hours… and I sit on my pose… close my eyes and simply breathe. There are moments my head tips, passing out… and I’d sigh at myself for not withstanding meditation. Strange how it’s more difficult to sit still than flow with the sun salutations.

Part of the inner me, the dark sylph, whispers, You are escaping… you are using yoga as a pathetic excuse to run away… to hide.

While the sylph of light whispers, Stay and be still. And yes, whacks the dark sylph away. For there are more whispers to come, she says… and you can only hear them when you take time to listen.

“If we listen to our hearts, in that deepest silence, we will be guided toward the appropriate action.” ~ Herdis Pelle

The clutter of the world leads you away from your true experience and into murkier territory. Let the world be in flux while you, your true spiritual Self, remains stable. Only in stillness will you be able to free up space within, in your heart, in your mind, in your soul, to allow inner wisdom come to you, she continued saying.

It is not easy to remain stable and NoT wrestle with the fluxing flow of the world.

But my path is yoga.
I breathe yoga.
I walk yoga.
I am my own path.
I am yoga.

Damn if repeating this mantra doesn’t work.

So I practice again.
And again.
And again.

————-

And I haven’t stopped since.

Addendum: April 8, 2013

Reposted in wordpress from my own postings on another journal, January 16, 2013.

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