Growth Spurts

Yoga came back into my life this week. The past four months without it felt like I lost something that was meant to stay in my life. Forever. Completely unrooted, considering what is going on in my life right now, I have always believed yoga keeps me grounded.
But why though?

For almost a year of doing hot yoga, it has been at a physical level for me. The sweat, the toning, the flexibility, the breathing… just all physical manifestations to improve my body. And yes, it has improved a great deal. But my mind seems to not get what it is supposed to get. There would be times when I would connect with something, something familiar yet unknown… but because of lack of experience, or peace of mind, or even silliness… it slips from my grasp as soon as my spirit graze onto it.

Each class brings new inspiration from the instructors, and even with fellow students. But the inspiration holds water since I only felt the need to achieve an ideal structure of my body. I realize this early on. Somehow, something is always amiss.

Today, my yoga class manifested to me differently. As we continue each day to improve our postures, it cannot be helped but fall out of certain poses. Whether the knee was not locked in, or the hips are not aligned, or the ankles have previous injuries, or the shoulders are not open enough… or even lack of sleep, too much coffee, or hormones… each day is different and concentration and balance can be lost… and sylph falls.

But as each fall happens, or even experience stress in some joints and in advil-relieved-muscle aches, or as each battle scar invades my skin and body, sylph continues… instead of asking myself what I did wrong and fret on it, I stepped back, took a deep breath, analyzed where I could improve, and tried again.

Such is the manifestation that was revealed to me today.

Life is chaos. Often times magnified that we grumble and complain and pull our own hair on how we hate what’s happening in our lives. The faerie does this lately. A lot. And it does not really get me anywhere.

Each posture in yoga is in actualization a struggle of life. As some poses may be easy to do, there are poses that require more practice. The poses in yoga reflect a person’s character and being. Each one of us is different. One person may find a backward backbend easier than a forward backbend. Or another person vice versa. An easy-to-do pose may mean an easy-going attitude on some of life’s aspects. And a hard-to-do pose may mean a hard-fought attitude that weighs one down to move further.

And to move further in order to grow requires time, patience, and a lot of hard work. So is life and what it entails for us… the path that we need to walk through to achieve that pose, the path that we need to walk through to achieve that realization.

Learning to accept that it is okay to fall and not be ruled by ego is a big realization… but is only the first step. Ego entails self-worth… how much do you really love yourself? Do you love yourself in and out? Or do you just seek to look good but feel bad inside? Do you curse at yourself if you fail? Or do you forgive yourself and continue? Would you still love yourself after each fall? One must be open and vulnerable to the poses in yoga to achieve the form. One must be open and vulnerable to life, to love, to achieve the path.

It is in all of us to rise above these falls and tap our potentials to create within a stronger pose, a stronger life… mind and body… heart and soul. And only then does one grow to become better at yoga… only then does one grow to become a better person.

Our spirits seek to fall. Believe it or not. Whatever kind of falling there may be. It is only in falling that we learn how we can become better. It comes with pain. They say pain comes with a price. It does. They are called growth spurts.

           “Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.”
                                                            ~Robert Gary Lee

Reposted for wordpress from previous journal dated June 03, 2011.

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